I suddenly realised how tired I have been for the past week. More of mentally I guess.

Couldn't manage to wake up at 830am yesterday and grudgingly dragged myself up only at 11, then rushed off for 3 project meetings. Got back home around 930pm and concussed at 10pm.

Tomorrow is the deadline for Add/Drop and right now I still have not made up my mind if I should drop AB311 and go for exchange. URGH.

It's gonna be an unpopular decision. Most of the people I've consulted said that if they were to be in my position, they will not go; and yes, that's a very sound and practical thing to do.

I certainly have upset my closest friend whom I'm doing my FYP with. Because of me she may have to shift one of her core modules to next semester as we will need to rush most of the FYP by this semester and she may also likely to experience communication difficulties while I'm away.

I probably have pissed my aunt off, judging from certain comments and the sarcastic tone of hers. And my father will definitely feel awkwardly sandwiched.

And what about SSA? Without a chairperson, I reckon it's gonna be more dead than it is right now. How disappointed Kelly will be to have seen us left one by one (be it intentionally or unintentionally).

While I have every reason to convince myself to give up the offer, I also have tons of reasons to tell myself "go, just follow your heart and go"

A part of me is sick of pleasing everyone. For once, can't I just do things that I want to and not be bothered by how others feel?!

But right after the thought entered my mind, guilt washed me all over. urghhhhhhhh.

I am able to make all the objective judgements and weigh every pros and cons out there. Trust me, whatever factors that others have thought for me, I've ran them through my mind a thousand times before.

Sometimes, instead of interrogating me for all my reasonings, I merely wish people could just say "Christina, go for it. I know there are sacrifices to be made, but I trust that you've thought them through and you'll be able to overcome them."

Sigh.