Yesterday was my first visit to the IMH. Frankly speaking, I was very, very, scared.

But I was glad that Huiqin’s condition has improved, at least we could still chat and she was making sense. But it was obvious that she’s still very depressed and pessimistic.

Her disturbing dreams also worry me.

I felt a mixture of both happiness and guilt when she said she could lift up her spirit a little with my presence, I should have visited her earlier. Test, homework and projects, as well as my own timidity were pulling me back whenever I felt like visiting her. I was fearful, fearful that she’ll not recognise me and chase me away again. I could never accept if that has happened.

It was a long journey to the remote IMH, and I was impressed by my own courage to visit there at night, alone. The place is huge, and the lights are very dim at night. Walking along the pavement made me feel that I could easily be engulfed by the darkness anytime.

During my visit, I was approached thrice by mental patients, what a shame that Huiqin had to be the one to fence them off for me.

The thought that she has to face them everyday horrified me. If a normal girl like me felt scared and uncomfortable during the 2-hour visit, what about someone as vulnerable as Huiqin, who has to stay there for weeks? No doubt that she longs to go home, but according to Mr Chow, she could only be discharged in 2 week’s time. Provided the doctors are convinced that she’s fine by then.

The environment is not conducive at all. Visitors are not allowed to stay there for long and there’s an obvious lack of manpower to look after the patients. 9 patients with varying conditions share a single bedroom; more than 30 of them share a common activity room, “assaults” can be rather frequent. Items get “stolen” very easily and Huiqin even has to obtain special permission in order to keep her spectacles with her.

She needs companionship. Perhaps that’s the only thing that I can do for her.

Hope the magazines that I brought for her are able to keep her accompanied for the lonely and gloomy nights.